For a variety of reasons I found myself feeling scared more often than I can remember being in a loooooong time. (Book launch, anyone? Oy.) It was anxiety inducing and made me feel uncertain, more uncertain than I've felt since signing the paperwork for my LLC. But here's the thing, it is natural to feel scared. Is it pleasant and lovely? Hell, no. But, it is normal. It's human nature.
Humans get scared. There are many scary things that come up and slyly creep into our lives without us realizing it until - BAM. And when I say "scary things" I am not talking about clowns looking at you in your nightmares - although those can be scary. But what I’m talking about are the things that are just a part of many of our lives. Things like becoming parents, traveling to a new location, starting a new job, or going to the doctor. There are lots of things that can be scary. For me right now it's that the book that I helped author is being launched... part of my story is out there and feelings of vulnerability are creeping in.
I have helped published twice before. One was a history book and it involved a lot of research. I wrote about other people and other events in world history that were not MY stories to tell. The other was the Lotus Project curriculum. This is more of a "how-to" and less of my personal trials.
Rise: In Pursuit of Empowerment is a compilation of 25 stories from 25 women around the world. It's a story of overcoming obstacles and finding our voices and our truth. This book that is coming out now is very personal to all of the women who have shared their stories. My story is just a little glimpse into me and how I got to where I am today. And I am terrified. I’m terrified of people from my past that have been hurtful in the past that might be hurtful now. I’m worried that the people I love and respect are not going to like what I wrote. I’ve worried that strangers are going to think my writing is shit. Concern over grammar. With a blog, I can easily fix a mistake or error. With a print addition, it's a much bigger deal to fix things.
But here’s what I’m really starting to wrap my brain around...
I’m really starting to chew on the fact that vulnerability is hard and uncomfortable. AND this scared feeling of vulnerability is also really important to self growth. If we never take a risk or take a leap, we will never grow. If we always stifle our voice we will never grow. I think my story is a tribute to the girl that I used to be who felt like her voice was lost. I feel like she deserves her voice to be heard. And I think that sharing my story is going to encourage other people who might feel like their voice has been muffled to speak up a little louder. To support themselves and honor who they are.
So, sometimes we have to do the things scared. And that's okay. It's normal. It's natural. And it will make you stronger.